April 24th, 2014 — Uncategorized
E-mail sent to A&P Fresh Online regarding a grocery delivery I received yesterday:
Hi, I just received my order – delivery service was timely and polite – thank you. I am wondering why you do so many substitutions? Of my 42 items ordered, 10 of them were substituted. Most of the substitutions were fine, but in a couple cases I didn’t agree with the choices. I know I selected “allow substitutions” – if I do not allow them, does that mean I would only get 32 of my 42 items?
How can I select items that are more likely to be in your inventory? Why does your inventory match up so poorly with what you are offering online?
If I keep allowing substitutions, how can I get substitutions that are more likely to be satisfactory? Should I choose middle of the road pricing to allow the packers more flexibility?
What I was trying to do was not spend a lot of my precious energy picking out, bagging, loading in the car, unloading from the car, and putting away groceries. I find this to be an exhausting and thankless task and frankly, I hate it. Some people love picking out their food. Not me – that is, not if I have to shlep it repeatedly from place to place. So when my work schedule swelled because of a major project and the house ran completely out of food, I spent half an hour on a grocery shopping site and had the groceries delivered.
Logistically this worked well, because there is almost always someone at home to take delivery. But the substitutions they selected are enough to make me re-evaluate my decision. One-quarter of the items I selected were substituted – that seems kind of high, doesn’t it? I won’t bore you with granular details, but give you just two examples: for people who prefer white NY style cheddar, yellow cheddar just isn’t acceptable. Substituting a box of raisin bran for a box of bran flakes is not a great idea if I already ordered a box of raisin bran in the same order. So I am looking for a way to use the shopping site smarter, so that I have fewer surprises when the food arrives. And I may try the other service, Pea Pod, to compare how they substitute.
I read an article by the Harvard Business Review that you should manage your energy, not your time. This is a concept that makes a lot of sense. When you’re working as smart as you possibly can, it’s time to look at your energy. You may not realize it, but little dribs and drabs of your time are being stolen away due to spotty attention span or fogginess caused by being tired. If you are fresh and rested, your ideas are more brilliant, your remarks more on point, and your work is much faster.
Multitasking, hailed in the 90s as a great way to get lots done, is now being understood as a time waster for some types of job roles. I am a trainer, so part of my time is spent developing curriculum in PowerPoint and also in an e-learning format. I must also keep track of student records and training schedules. These are tasks best done without interruptions, so it’s counter-productive (and tiring) to multitask when I do them.
I was a gardener when I lived in Oklahoma. I read about how plants do what they do and why, when you pick the dead flowers off a blooming plant, you can expect it to stay in bloom longer, and how sometimes a root-bound plant will flower better than one with plenty of wiggle room in the pot. It turns out we are like plants. We only have so much energy, and it gets channeled where we allow it to go. If we cut off an energy-wasting channel, like the pointless and aggravating task of grocery shopping, it naturally flows into the other channels that are still open, such as my work.
While the grocery delivery was not perfect, it did save me a lot of effort. Maybe A&P Online will give me some good pointers on how to use their system for best results.
July 13th, 2013 — Uncategorized
Today I learned that 23 recently were injured in the running of the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.
Some salient details from the USA article (link below for your perusal):
1. Two were gored and the rest injured in the actual stampede.
2.The stampede was caused by people falling and blocking the entrance to the ring, before the bulls arrived.
3. At least one of the steers that traditionally run with the bulls actually jumped over the people pile rather than bulldoze through them.
4. The stampede ended when someone opened another gate to the ring and the bulls ran away from the press of people.
What we should take away from this story is that it’s the humans who are to be feared, both for their savagery inherent in the design of such a spectacle, and their continued devotion to this spectacle.
Also, we should not underestimate the inherent foolishness of people as seen in their clumsy pileup at the entrance before the bulls even got there.
Finally, those who run with the bulls these days are neither as brave or as stupid as those who did 80 years ago. Gorings are rarely fatal nowadays, which is a shame, because there is less of a deterrent to participating in this cruel and stupid mob behavior.
July 4th, 2013 — Connecting with others, gratitude, Uncategorized
One of the things I feel driven to do, at work or at home, is render order from chaos until something deep within me answers “Yes, it is now good.” This is why I found myself, on a rare day off on the 4th of July, editing the duplicates out of my Gmail address book and adding my Apple contacts into that and eliminating the duplicates.
I love clean data. It allows you to have faith as you charge forth and generate charts for impatient bosses, or do hurried searches for your skin doctor, or look up the phone and address of your little brother who lives in Portland and is about to get married. Perhaps it is this imminent marriage of my 8-years-younger brother Alfredo which has me thinking in a mimsy way while editing my address book.
I love clean data and structure, but I also love the people whose names were flying by under my gaze. As I watched diligently for those names that were to go under the “Business” heading, I could not help but see the names of the people with whom I’d shared part of my life.
Start with those no longer with us, whose names I left in my address book for memory’s sake:
Louise Dale, mother, born in 1946, died in 2006 of cancer. Visionary, empath, kind soul to those who hurt and strive. Funeral included native American drumming and the presentation of an eagle feather to one undeserving daughter, the vicarious, accidental beneficiary of the joys of a life lived full of heart.
Jeanne Marcoux, grandmother, born in 1913, died in 2008 because she didn’t really want to outlive her daughter. Warned us for years that she would check out, and then did so after a nice breakfast in her favorite easy chair. Left me enough money to move my new family out of squalor and buy me an iPad which I stubbornly cling to, because it came from Grandma. Devotee to the digestive systems of all her daughters, granddaughter and grandson. Fudge and quilt maker extraordinaire. She did not understand her daughter’s death at age 60.
As I read and edited, I deleted the names of people whom I’d met a long time ago and, for whatever reason, with whom I had not kindled a friendship. It was with a sigh of regret for each person, though barely remembered. I knew I must have had at least one meaningful connection with them, to have put them in my address book. Like those unread books filling my bookshelves, I had hoped to eventually fill my days with their potential companionship. But now I know – time is limited and life is scant. Delete.
No one was deleted because I hate them now. That is no longer how I operate. Human beings are full of flaws and challenges. There is no room for contempt and no time for blocking out a potential meaningful contact.
Although I have plenty of confusion about the pain and sadness that still follows me, and bitterness does crop up, I am actively saying no to that way of thinking.
Reading through the names, I rekindled a profound sense of gratitude and warmth at some people who aren’t immediate family, but who nonetheless played an important role in my life. Here is a small sampling of a very large list of caring individuals:
The fellow editor from Tulsa who escaped to Florida after being a balm to my hurts as my mother slowly died. “That’s some shit,” she would say after listening. “Come over and I’ll get you drunk.”
The best, and longest-held friend I ever had, who I met when we were both age 4 (we are one month apart in age), who after so many twists and turns of our lives carried us along separate paths, showed up with her baby and husband at my mother’s funeral.
The fellow editor from Washington who I met at a scholarly society meeting, and who inspired me to understand what I needed now that my mother had died.
The cheery woman who greeted me in an online world where I was still a stranger and welcomed me with open arms, helping me understand how Second Life can embrace a lonely person.
The creative and welcoming man who encouraged others to play and create with him in Second Life, and who listened with genuine sympathy to my troubles.
The quirky boss I had at LexisNexus who taught me how to make a website show up higher in Google, and how to explain that to customers and negotiate in any situation.
The sweet young woman who I was friends with in junior college and who almost fell out of our friend’s truck when the door gave way unexpectedly, but without thinking I yanked her back in and shut the door.
A fellow college newspaper editor, a self-described hick who was funny and warm, who stood guard over me in the campus parking lot with a flashlight while I changed my car’s water pump (insisted on dong it myself, too, and he respected that).
The older couple I met at a small Quaker meeting, who did more to settle my heart and draw me into a new spiritual community than all the religious texts and other churches I had visited.
The Jewish friend who, with her lovely husband takes me to New York some Sundays, to visit museums and eat good food, or just to hang at her house and have inspired cheeses and wines and good conversations.
The kind doctor of physics who loves good beer as much as I do, played Dungeons & Dragons, and talks engagingly about science fiction.
Thank you all, and I hope you are part of my life for a long time to come.
April 1st, 2013 — Compassion, Quiet mind
I was a gardener once, and when I was out among my blossoms I enjoyed seeing the honeybees and bumble bees visiting the bright blooms, their sonorous buzzing all around me.
I can tell when they are happy by their buzzes. Low-pitched means contentment; high-pitched means irritation. They warn you for a while before they get serious.
But most of the time, they just buzz happily and work around you. I’ve actually bumped my forehead on a bumblebee once, and he didn’t even mind.
Bees like blue-colored flowers the best, but they’ve visited my zinnias, dahlias, gladiolus, lilies, and hibiscus almost as much as my anise hyssop, salvia, lavender, chamomile, and mint. I like to think of them making really tasty honey with all of those sweet scented herbs.
Bees are fun to photograph if you have patience and a decent camera. The average iPhone does and okay job, but for those amazing shots like the one in this article, you need a macro lens on a single lens reflex camera.
Bees are not mean at all, except perhaps killer bees. The only bee that ever hurt me was a dead one I stepped on. I’ve been stung by wasps, yellowjackets and hornets – but never bees.
And their honey is heavenly, especially when the hive’s main source of forage was orange blossoms or clover. My vegan friend Valerie once told me that eating honey is frowned upon by vegan purists, because you’re basically eating their food source for their young and wrecking their shelter. In addition, sometimes bees get stuck in the honey as you pull it out and can drown, which I agree is unfortunate.
There is always agave nectar, which is coming down in price as it becomes more popular. It’s kind of neutral in flavor, but maybe you can season it with orange juice.
Sadly, the world’s honeybees are in the fight of their lives: these little champions of pollination not only have to fly farther and farther to reach decent nectar sources because of human population growth and the desctruction of natural open spaces, they must also deal with a virulent new strain of deformed wing virus which is being rapidly spread by the parasitic Varroa mite. And this isn’t just a catastrophe for our little fuzzy friends – the U.S. has a $10-15 billion honey industry.
I remember two very remarkable bees on film. The first was “Invasion of the Bee Girls,” about women that turn into “bee women” and kill innocent men by having sex with them. They wore shades at night so men couldn’t see their scary compound eyes before they went in for the kill.
My other favorite bee appearance is the Bee Twins from The Tick animated series. El Seed, a matador-esque animated sunflower, is trying to take over the world with these sexy bee henchwomen.
Perhaps the most inspiring and quirky thing about bees is the bee dance. When they go out into the world and find this totally awesome stand of prickly pear cactus in full bloom, or a tea herb garden, they have a way of helping others get there.
When they get back to the hive and run into their buddy, they do this little “nectar dance” where they turn this way and that, frst clockwise, then counterclockwise, like a combination lock. This means something to the bee watching the show along the lines of “go tree tree tree tree turn right go tree tree tree turn left turn left go tree turn left turn left.”
There ya go. Don’t tell anyone else you know where the nectar is.
March 31st, 2013 — Uncategorized
It’s Easter Sunday, a time we Christians look to for hope and joy as we reflect on Jesus’ journey and what it means for us. But I was not raised a Christian, although I began attending church when I was 13. So for me, the Easter holiday was always a little bewildering.
One thing I think about Christmas and Easter is that we gather to deliberately bring a little light and hope into the hearts of those we love.
Pastor Keith Wiseman at the First United Methodist Church in Big Spring, Texas, gave a wonderful sermon for Easter in about 1984, around the time I elected to be baptized and joined that church. I still hear his voice when I long for hope:
“Feed my sheep. Tend my lambs.”
“Faith, hope and love.”
For me, I cannot feel hope just because it’s Easter. Peeps and colored eggs are awesome, but that’s not a source of hope for me, and neither is reading about Christ being risen from the dead.
Heather stood up in my Quaker meeting today and said love is not an act, but a process. So true.
From my life experience, I understand that happy and sad things will happen in my life, and in my forties, I find the balance of events to have been sad.
Perhaps hope is a deliberate choice, like contentment. I have a harder time with it, though. There is a child within me that still cries out for reassurance that everything is going to be okay. And I am not good at providing that reassurance, having lost my mother and many others dear to me.
I see vast and wonderful potential in my stepkids, who are all teenagers. But I also know that they have already and will continue to experience many unfair and sad life events.
I have been worried about My husband’s back pain, because I see that it has struck him down in so many ways. So many things are now excruciatingly painful or just impossible for him. He doesn’t appear to have a good way forward back into health, and as he waits, his body suffers more and more. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of hopelessness yesterday while I sat with him. I told him I couldn’t feel any hope and that it was so painful to feel that despair.
He held my hand and looked me in the eyes, and told me that this was only temporary, that he would take steps to get better. Eventually I was able to take some hope from his assurance and let go of my cares for a time.
In thinking about hope this morning, the truth in my heart is that hope is a choice, just like happiness is a choice. And we must help each other to make that choice. And every day is a new day with new potential for both hope and despair, contentment and sadness.
Mom often said, “Sylvie, you get discouraged too easily! Stop defeating yourself with negative thoughts!” My reaction was frustration; I thought of her as being incurably Pollyanna-ish.
Years later, my boyfriend Rich told me while playing a game of Magic that I gave in to my despair too easily. He said it’s not over until it’s over, even when I m only a point away from a loss. I resolved to try to hang on a bit longer, and discovered I won at least half of the games I had found to be hopeless. This informed my thinking on hope.
I also remember my own experience listening to my heart when I feel despair. What I know is that there are certain things I know to do which give me hope if I do them. They are the small things that, taken together, could turn the situation eventually. In this way there is hope in the process and process in the hope.
– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
March 24th, 2013 — Human rights, Uncategorized
A feminist protester in Tunisia who goes by ‘Amina’ has been going topless with provocative phrases written on her chest in Arabic. Lately she’s been inspiring death threats by the local moral authorities who worry that her behavior could spread.
It’s so chilling (and backwards) that Almi Adel, head of his little virtue club, is advocating savagely killing her for this nonviolent expression.
“Tunisian newspaper Kapitalis quoted the Wahabi Salafi preacher Almi Adel, who heads the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, saying: ‘The young lady should be punished according to sharia, with 80 to 100 lashes, but [because of] the severity of the act she has committed, she deserves be stoned to death.
‘Her act could bring about an epidemic. It could be contagious and give ideas to other women. It is therefore necessary to isolate [the incident]. I wish her to be healed.'”
So, viciously and painfully hurling rocks at a harmless female is healing? I think he’s cutting off his nose to spite his face.
The weird part is that because he feels honor bound to one-up her little rebellion, that makes me feel like all females in that country should rise up and make it understood just how much they are needed by the male half of the society.
These guys are behaving like thugs – bullies. Because they have more strength and savagery than a woman they believe that gives them the right to control, force, beat, whip, and stone their women with very little oversight or review.
The Commission for the ‘Promotion’ of Virtue and Prevention of Vice should be ashamed of themselves!! I hope they get leprosy and western hospitals refuse to treat them because they’re dangerous criminals.
Here’s the Huffington Post report
October 13th, 2012 — Acceptance, Journeys, Letting go
I think about surrender a lot, because I am over forty and have learned how to control quite a bit of my life.
Something happens when a person reaches that age group. As a twenty-something I would often remark on how bitchy forty year old women were. They just seemed angry and bitter about everything. Well, it’s amazing how the life journey can give you some perspective on that.
To my twenty-something friends, you aren’t wrong about that observation! I’ll tell on myself a bit there. :-). Here’s why that bitterness tends to rear its ugly head at that time in a woman’s life (men too, I imagine). Since I can only speak for myself (others are undoubtedly wiser than me), I will cast this information in light of my own experience.
1. I’ve been working really hard in my career without sufficient regard to my other life needs…when I really need to work smarter.
2. I think I can keep the house clean all the time, even with four teenagers and animals and a full time job.
3. I fail to fully consider how I spend my commute to and from work.
4. I overlook the mathematics of the value of my time and give away too many hour of work to my employer.
5. I have been responsible for everything so long that I have forgotten how to be irresponsible – how to delight that inner child.
6. I stay too wrapped up in what didn’t go right yesterday and what I’m worried about for tomorrow to realize that in this little moment called NOW, there is a sunbeam and the coffee is awesome and the og is less than five feet away.
From my atheist / agnostic upbringing as a child, my concept of surrender is more practical than holy, although it certainly works to have a holy idea of surrender to God.
Surrender = acceptance of a bigger idea or plan than I cannot know all of at any one moment.
It also involves letting go of the idea that I can control what happens to me, and opening myself to serendipity that can move me forward spiritually. Even writing this line, I feel resistance within myself. Sometimes someone I care about makes a suggestion for something fun to do. If it wasn’t already in my plan for the weekend, maybe I will say no to it because I might see it as a distraction or predict it is not going to give me the contentment I am after.
But I also must acknowledge the truth that when I spend my weekend in exactly the ways I intended, the probability of feeling dissatisfaction by the end of the weekend is about the same. So what’s really going on here?
Lots of stuff, most of which I call ‘emotional static’ that’s a result of not centering down enough. Emotional static is caused when there is a lack of discipline in my mind. I might be wrapped up in ‘shoulds’ about others in my life (i.e., things I cannot control) – cleaning up meal dishes without being asked, not leaving socks under the couch, not sticking toast with peanut butter behind the couch, not eating all of the cereal in one sitting.
It makes me tired just thinking about it! And just so you know, I still haven’t learned what the perfect balance is to living with teenagers, and I am still exhausted when I spend more time at home, and I am still relieved to send my days in a more predictable office environment.
Emotional static also comes from sensing others’ moods without being consciously aware of them, being mad at myself for lack of action or too much action, and nervousness over something that still needs to be done (like bills or taxes).
I can describe the problem of not surrendering in great detail – what I need to do next is describe the process of surrendering in great detail. I see it as a series of many decisions throughout the day to let go of things.
Sometimes it’s impossible to let go of a particular moment, but maybe it’s better then to say, well, that’s one moment, let’s try for the next. Maybe some days are so bad that I am doing great if I can just snatch one innocent, happy, expectation-free moment in the entire day.
If any of you also have this challenge (and fighting for survival in New Jersey seems to make this more prevalent), I suggest a few starter activities that won’t require too much of your time and energy (and thus will be harder to blow off).
While taking one of these little moments, remember to stop your thoughts and take a few deep, slow breaths, focusing on one pleasant thing about it at a time – the simpler the better. On returning to the routine, practice a little emotional discipline and avoid letting negative thoughts slam back into your mind – refocus on the pleasure of that moment.
Here’s the thing I noticed about these practices – they will not appear to be worthwhile when you first think about doing them. You will slowly get more joy from them as you continue practicing with the intention of contentment.
First thing in the morning:
While waiting on the dog to do her business or the child to eat, find a sunbeam if you can, listen to birds singing, or take a sip of something delicious like coffee or juice.
On your way to the office:
If you drive, play songs that make you happy and sing with them. It’s hard to frown while doing so. Or listen to stories to take your mind elsewhere.
If you take public transportation, sit someplace that’s a little more pleasant if you can. I walk all the way down the train to the quiet car on the end and sit on the east-facing side so the sun shines on me.
Also when on trains or buses, watch the people. if they don’t make you smile, go sit or stand somewhere more entertaining. It’s okay to have fun and notice other human beings in a crowded place.
If it’s cold, wear your softest, warmest, happiest scarf and hat even if they look funny. Especially if they look funny because others will smile at you.
If you walk, play tunes on your headphones that make you happy.
You get the idea – there is one of these moments in every part of your day – give it a try for a week and see if it helps!
September 16th, 2012 — Connecting with others, economics, social
Our family is totally digitally connected. To wit:
- We have high-speed (N class) wifi throughout the house and a digital telephone line and all six of us can be streaming at the same time with very little slowdown. This is such an important feature of our home that after Hurricane Sandy blew through and we had endured 10 days without power and 12 days without heat, the first question from the kids was “is the wifi back on?”
- In this house, we have the following functional technology: five Apple computers, one gaming PC, two iPads, one Kindle Fire, four iPhones and one iPod, an Airport Extreme and two Apple TVs. There are also two cheapie phones.
- Every person in this household has at one time had a WordPress-themed blog on our own domains.
- Every person in this household knows what cloud computing is and how to use Google Drive.
- Every person in this household has been in Second life, a 3-D virtual world.
After saying this, it’s with a bit of shame that I admit to you that we STILL can’t keep track of each other’s schedules, what’s needed at the grocery store, and who fed the pets.
Jim and I are productivity tool hounds and we religiously use such apps as Evernote, Dropbox, Remember the Milk, OneNote, IFTTT (If This Then That) and dozens of others. We have long conversations about the things you can do with the various services. Cross-posting to social networks? Yep. Saving Google Reader articles to Instapaper? You bet.
How are families sharing information using shared apps, social sites and other tools?
What platforms would these tools need to be present on? IOS apps, PC and Mac app downloads, web access?
What are the tools that work? Family checklists and shared notebooks including Evernote and ….?
What’s for dinner and when
Plans to go out to eat
Individual calendars including work schedules for those with jobs
Pet care daily checklist
Shareable videos and photos
Links to great articles and essays
Shared music and art
Plug-ins, apps and tabs
Family game stats
Email and SMS reminders, event invites
Family-only online games
– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
August 29th, 2012 — Food and drink
I’m enjoying a fine vegetarian lunch that was easy to prepare and nutritious. I commute to work by train, so the lunch I take has to be compact and sturdy. Frozen is okay since I have access to a microwave.
I have the use of a sink, can opener, refrigerator, and a knife. I own a bowl, a plate, a personal set of bamboo cutlery and a cloth napkin which I reuse a few times before washing at home. I also have a shaker of salt, a shaker of nutritional yeast flakes (rich in B vitamins), and a shaker of seasoning mix, so pretty much anything I make has to be workable with these basics.
I wish my kitchen at home were that simple – imagine if each of us in our 6-person household had only those items. How much less of a mess would the kitchen be if we knew we had to wash our single dish to have something on which to eat? I guess I’d choose a bowl if I had to make a choice of plate vs. bowl.
The ingredients of today’s lunch are:
Frozen steam-in-the-bag rice with vegetables
Frozen veggie mix to fill out the veggie count – portioned in a glass food container with rubberized lid for safe reheating
One frozen vegetarian patty – today’s was bruscetta flavor
One peach from the Amish fruit stand downstairs
Heated until all ingredients were hot in the microwave and then mixed together on plate. Sprinkled with seasoning mix of choice and dug in!
If I have more time I could make a higher fiber rice like brown or a pilaf mix, adding vegetables at that time and freezing portions for quick lunch packing. If veggie burgers are not in the budget, I can use scrambled egg (cage free would be great) or reconstituted TVP – texturized vegetable protein. This stuff acts like ground beef in recipes but is not as greasy. It needs to be seasoned because it is bland.
I sometimes start with a soup (I like lentil, minestrone, black bean or veggie noodle) and add some leafy greens like spinach or collard greens before heating. Afterwards I stir in a tabIeoon of nutritional yeast, also called brewer’s yeast. If low on protein, I throw in a cut up veggie patty, some TVP, or cubed tofu.
For snacks on the train, I carry raw almonds, a handful of whole wheat crackers, and an orange. I also have a great thermal coffee cup which I carry back and forth – fits in the side pouch of my backpack.
– Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:Hudson St,Jersey City,United States
February 5th, 2012 — gratitude, Meditation, Quiet mind
Sitting with the Quakers in silent worship one morning, I found a way to settle down into the silence that helped me. It’s like a song with three verses – you can repeat each verse as many times as you like until you reach the right mental state. Chant aloud or silently – it’s up to you. If you try this, I’d love to hear how it worked for you.
breathe in while saying or thinking,
breathe out while saying or thinking,
I give thanks
(repeat as many times as needed to give yourself grace for this process)
breathe in while saying or thinking,
I give thanks and open
breathe out while saying or thinking,
I wait and listen
(repeat as many times as needed to begin to clear the mind)
breathe in while saying or thinking,
I wait and listen
breathe out while saying or thinking,
(repeat as many times as needed to stay in this listening state)